What Have I Done?

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What Have I Done?

How many times have we all done something…. and then after having done it, immediately said “oh my God, what have I done?” Am I the only one? I don’t think so! I do it all the time.

It usually occurs after making a decision to do something even though your gut tells you not to do it. You fight it and fight it and finally get the grumbling in the stomach to silence and you go ahead and do it anyway. As soon as you do it you know that it was the wrong thing and the words just leap from your mouth. “Oh my goodness, what have I done?” You might even make this statement after having done something that you knew to be wrong, but you thought that you could correct the issues before anyone actually found out about it. You can’t correct it and they always find out about it.

It is a pattern of speech that is almost always based on a poor decision. You don’t even have to form the words. It is an involuntary utterance that requires no action on your part. It is like vomit except for the fact that vomit can at least be cleaned up. These seven words, once released, are much messier to clean up and sometimes leave lifelong stains based on their reason for oral expulsion.

Why do we do it? We know it’s a bad idea. We’ve seen other people make the same decisions with bad results. We have already done it ourselves in the past and the results were always bad. But for some reason, we really believe that this time will be different. I’ve covered all of by bases this time and I think that it just might actually work. No you don’t. You know it won’t work. You know full well that it won’t work. But you writhe back and forth, first with your gut and then with your conscience, and you convince yourself that it might just be different this time.

Maybe it was eating that one bite of apple pie that turned into an empty pie pan. Maybe it was getting in the car because you had only had “one” beer. Maybe it was putting off studying for that final exam until the night before because you knew you would be more focused. Maybe it was calling that guy, whose arms are bigger than your leg, a name that was not so flattering.

Maybe it was telling that girl or guy things about yourself that had not an ounce of truth to it but it sure sounded good when you were saying it. Maybe it was taking on that big assignment, that was based on a volunteer needed, knowing that it would take an army of volunteers to ever get it done. It might have been giving that certain person a piece of your mind when you knew that you really don’t have any extra pieces to spare. And, after you gave it to them, you are even shocked yourself that it actually came from your mind.

Whatever it might have been, we did it. And then we did it again. And there is a great likelihood that we will do it once or twice more. And we will all act surprised at the results as we hear those familiar words, “Oh my God, what have I done?”

I’m not sure how or why we even bring God into this conversation. Do we believe that if we ask God for some type of explanation that it will make it any better? Would it not make better sense to try and keep him out of this all together? Maybe a better comment, after committing the unfortunate act would be, “Oh God, I have no idea who could have done this.”

I have no idea why people continue to make decisions that are based totally on bad criteria. I don’t think that any of us believe that the outcome will be any different this time from the last, or the next. I think that it is just a matter of taking the easier route that typically includes instant, albeit short lived gratification, and knowing full well that you can depend on that all too familiar axioms when reality bites you….once again. “Oh my God, what have I done?”

But, I suppose that even that tactic would fail. As soon as we recognize that not only has God not been fooled, but he knows that we have lied to him completely, and we begin to think about the consequences of that action, we might just say, “Oh my God, what have I done.”

Perhaps that rumbling in our stomach is not always indigestion. Sometimes it may be more important to listen to our stomachs than our hearts.

Stan L. Hall

If you would like to have Stan speak at your next group event, please send your requests to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. Stan L. Hall is the former (retired) director of the Victim Witness Program for the Gwinnett County District Attorney’s Office.

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